diff --git a/wip/pulse.md b/wip/pulse.md
index 8bbe779..347f8d0 100644
--- a/wip/pulse.md
+++ b/wip/pulse.md
@@ -76,17 +76,17 @@ Acoustic aberrations dissipate
 // what didn't arrive is genuinely unknown. not mourned. the protocol doesn't carry that information.
 // tone: observational, not mournful. emotion doesn't assert itself - detectable only if you're paying attention.
 // could be more than a couplet. give it room if it needs room.
-A remnant funnel struck by a packet rain
+Flimsy funnel struck by a packet rain
 Fine-grained acknowledgements ground astray
 
-The ocean as a desert buries all of its life
+Ocean as a desert buries all of its life
 Deck the shell with a perfect thermocline
 // (thax - ) ao - sheh(n) - naes - ax - deh - zahrt - bah - riys - ao(l) - lahv - ihts - layf
 // (dehk - thax - ) shehl - wit - ax - pahr - fekt - thahr - mow - klayn
 // 'deck the shell': intentional vagueness between 'decorate the outer shell' and 'knock on the border surface'.  
 
-Light dims and dies in the rover's eyes
-Or the next one could never come otherwise
+Dim light fades from the rover's eyes
+Or the next one could never fire otherwise
 // Thoughts: 'the light dies' because a pulse is mostly dormant you wanker. You have to let the light die so it lights up again, simple as
 
 // ending verse(s) before the painfully long instrumental outro